Best Out-Of-The-Office auto-replies

• I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
• You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
• I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
• Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged 5.99$ for the first ten words and 1.99$ for each additional word in your message.
• The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and trysending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
• Thank you for your message, which has been adde d to a queuing system… You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
• I’ve run away to join a different circus.
• I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons… When I return, please refer to me as “Margaret” instead of “Steve”.

Definitions of designations at office

Wonderful definitions of designations at office:

• Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
• Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
• Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
• Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.
• Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
• Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.
• Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.
• Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy.